Back to my prelonged span of flashbacks. The gap was about 2.5 months and I apologise for this. I wanted it to be much later but however I was forced into sharing my personal and vivid memories with people. Moving on...

I shall carry on from where I left on. Yes indeed I have made many new and vibrant friends and I shall proceed to elaborate on each of them and their distinct features. First there was Henry. He was aneroxic and therefore extremely thin. All skin and bones, and no extra fat at all. He was therefore christened stickman. His skills in bed on the other hand, was unbelievable. Although we have all graduated from the Institution, I still remember very clearly the day I invited him over for some frisky fun. We lay on the bed just staring at the ceiling for about... 69 minutes. And then Henry lost control. He was a complete animal. Oh how he tossed and turned, screaming at every thrust. I just took it all in with amazemet. Then, with his final thrust, he managed to successfully smack the fly on my table. It dropped dead onto my table. He had killed all the bugs in my bedroom just like I told him to. Mission accomplished and I sent him home smiling.

And then there was Mary. In my entire span of life, I have never met anyone as skillful and subtle as Mary. Moreover, Mary was twice as energetic as Henry. I still remember one of the many activities which I enojyed with Mary. She always was able to swallow everything I threw at her. No matter how fast or deep it went, she still managed to place it accurately in her mouth. Yea... she was naturally good at that exhilarating game....Frisbee. Mary was blonde, and being young, she loved to utilize her tongue in every activity. When living it up with Mary, you can be sure that it will always end with a quick lick of her tongue. She liked to be on all fours and this was usually quite a great experience. Yes.. I liked Mary as she never spoke. Whenever she opened her mouth, only primal noises emitted. I found this extremely appealing and it gave her an animalistic quality. Sigh... I remember te first time I met Mary. It was at the SPCA and she cost me only $69.69. Mary, my pet golden retriever.

With a loud thud, I landed on the hard pavement floor. I was relatively unhurt as my head cushioned the fall. Standing up, I noticed that the government had painted the ground around me a bright red. Almost like... blood. Smiling at the authorities's brisk and well-judged decision, I walked off in pursuit of Jubs. Strangely, after a few steps, I lost consciousness and fell to the floor unconscious. Never really figured out why though...

Sorry for the delay in posting (Ben, especially), but its not exactly easy to find a wirless computer while free-falling from a building. Neverthelss, I succeeded and am now posting.

Falling in the air, I felt a strange mix of pain, self-pity and then more pain. Evidence showed that not only free-falling can bring about this curious sensation, but a night with George Bush could yield similar results too. There was nothing much to do other than to bite my nails and rub myself. However, after a few minutes, I was out of nails and out of body-heat, and thus I began to remininsce about my past...

I was enrolled into the famous Prick's institution for the Horny. On my first day, I had to undergo a test involving a bed, romantic atmosphere, and an unusually hairy man. I passed with flying colours. Therefore, I was given the nickname of Mr Hard. I was glad that they took notice of my abnormally hard and huge...feet and accepted the title joyously. Following that, I was ushered into a huge classroom. The teacher, Ms Phuck, came to meet me. I introduced myself.

'Miss Phuck, I am Hard'

One of my classmates laughed and suddenly the whole class burst out laughing. Sighing contently at having such friendly and bubbly classmates, I hurried over to find a seat and also to find out what the joke was. Over the course of the year, I made many new friends and changed many bedsheets. However, some of my friends were more memorable and I shall tell you about them in my next posts. They were usually the ones who stained the most bedsheets. Yea...Mary.

Damn this is a tall building...

As I squatted in the room, I thought about what had happened and LAMENTED (YES! MY ENGLISH COURSE GRADE 2 ALREADY) the fact that Jubs had escaped. As I squatted, something black, soft and inconspicuous dropped out from the strategically placed hole at my rear end. I wanted to clean it up but then said: Na... More art materials for the boy.

Having done a good deed, I was in quite a good mood. This was also helped by the fact that I peed IN the urinal today. I wonder what happened after that cleaner barged into the toilet, and saw that the whole place was flooded with my yellow liquid-ic substance. The last thing I saw was him clutching at his heart, and then falling to the floor, SEEMINGLY dead. I decided not to disturb him. Old people need their sleep.

The boy had used finished the art paste. I gave him somemore. Then I walked out of the room and ran straight into a naked hairy man. The sight of his forest-like hair intrigued me. And it frightened me too. However, I knew that it takes more muscles to frown, then to point the finger. So, I did the less tiring task. He soon caught fire. I jotted down in my journal: Hair is a really good way for fire to spread. I noticed that the hairy man was screaming. I smiled and let him be. These young kids sure knew how to have fun. And what weird ways of expressing their joy too: By Screaming!


Suddenly I broke into song. It lasted for quite a while before the police came. How was I supposed to know that my singing caused people's circular organs near the groin to shrivel. Ah well... I jumped out of the window, plunging into my almost certain death.

Sorry for the delay in posting. There was really not much I could do but wait for the explosion to stop. When the noises stopped, I saw steam coming out from the bottom of the door. I knew what I had to do. I slowly turned the door knob and walked into the room...

The first thing I saw when I enterd, was my Indian advisor. Dead. His eyes were open and his heart was still beating. And he was smiling at the ceiling. There was nothing much I could do. So I covered him with a blanket. Strangely, he tried to struggle but I forced it on him. He was definitely not taking death too well. I scanned the VICINITY (I taking english courses la) for Jubs. Nothing. But I did see a small boy at a corner playing with art paste. Wanting to know more, I questioned him. All he said was: Big man went BOOM, Indian got hit with white missile. Missile sticky, good for art. Then he drew two two oranges and a cucumber in between.

Enlightening...

My first rule as a Mayor was to exile, exterminate and extinct all Hippies. Somehow the hippies weren't very happy about that. So they sent their hippy lord, Jubbs, to meet with me. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: Do not destroy the hippies, or if you wish to, you have to give me something of great value. Thus, I gave him 2 raw eggs and a bowl of noodles. He went home smiling. Suddenly I felt a warm presence in the vicinity. I looked around and saw Jubs(Note the one less B). I had never met him before and I didn't know how I knew his name. I called in my Indian advisor and he dragged Jubs to the Mastur bateroom and locked the door. The sounds I heard after that were horrifying. He was more explosive than I thought...

Today as I sat down at Mustafa Randyhorn Cafe in Israel, I was soon joined by a heavily clothed man. Trying to ignore the 10000+ hairs on his upper lip, I ordered tea. As I sipped on the hot liquid, one word echoed in my head: Calanders. I turned to face the man and saw that he had a glass of iced tea in front of him. ICED tea. Knowing that something was wrong with the frozen water in the glass, I grabbed him and jumped through a glass window, down 5 stories. He only suffered broken ribs and a damaged brain. Oh and he became blind. And deaf. AND mute. As we laid in the hospital bed, an Indian man came in and made me mayor of Israel. Whee.

Today I whacked 2 hippies. They were running at me, waving Calvin Klein underwears and I lost my cool. I picked up 3 grains of rice and hurled them, with all my might, at the hippies. The rice hit one of the hippies and he fell down bleeding but missed the other one. Armed wif underwear, the hippy (Note: There was one left) charged at me while singing to the tune of "Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls. I ran away like mad. This happened in China.